Those Uncomfortable Questions: Breaking Silences and Comfort Zones

Nothing like getting up early on an overcast Saturday morning to get to as many garage sales as possible, before all the good books and Pottery Barn baskets are sold. Starbucks helps though. That, and finding one or two books that you hadn't expected to find, or that had been trying to find for years. Then you get to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home while your son naps and your wife is out shopping (of course) and you mow the lawn. Except that last part. Instead, you waste a full two hours eating lunch, watching Scrubs, and milling about on the computer (not writing a single thing). Oh, the simple things. I'm pretty sure the question "Baby, can you mow the lawn while I'm gone" will only ever make me think of other possible ways to waste two hours. That is, until your wife comes home finally, and you go outside to greet her, and the grass actually does seem pretty tall and you have nothing to show for the two hours she was gone besides a guilty conscience and a full stomach.

Then in Sunday school, on a somewhat-lazy, laid-back morning looking forward to spending time learning and growing and maturing, you're hit with not a few surprises. Namely, some questions, or rather an entire discussion, that wakes you up a lot better than the scratchy homemade coffee does (no time for Starbucks that morning). Instead of the Sunday class listening to and soaking up the teaching, someone who's relatively new asks some rarely-heard questions of the group leader that makes all sit up and catch their breath.

People tend to underestimate the power and potential of questions nowadays. The questions we ask can accomplish multiple things, besides as a means of getting the answers we want to the questions we ask. We can reveal what we really think and feel about a person or subject. We can also reveal how little we really know about them or it. We can suddenly show our true colors and true agenda, where before we just went with the flow, waiting for the right time to strike. With just the right tone, just the right choice of words, with just the right timing we can change the whole mood and meaning of, say, a Sunday school group meeting. With questions, we can challenge assumptions and beliefs, forcing the spotlight on a subject that doesn't get much every-day discussion and practically requires entire theological dissertations to explain and defend.

With questions having the power and potential they do, it is supremely important that we understand how we react to and view them, for there is such a thing as different kinds of questions. Peter writes in his first letter that we as believers must always be "ready to make a defense... for the hope that is in you (NASB)," which seems to be easier said than done, especially when those asking questions of us have a set agenda and know how to pinpoint and exploit weaknesses (like the lack of good coffee). Not that we can excuse ourselves by this, but we must at the same time acknowledge where and what our weaknesses are, in order to repair and replenish before the next question, which will most certainly come. We are to be prepared. But that doesn't mean we will only be questioned when we are ready; in fact, for some strange we only seem to get questions when we are at the least ready. Quite strange, in fact.

Yet just because some questions are asked of us with intentional malice or to support an agenda, does not mean that we should look down upon all questions and questioning. In fact, the Bereans in Acts were called "noble-minded" for their "searching (of) the Scriptures," and for comparing what was written with what was being preached to them. By definition, "searching... to see whether these things were so" would denote someone asking questions, asking for clarification on a difficult passage, or how this one teaching is influenced by another passage. Too often we look down on someone in the church who asks a lot of questions; we brush them off with something like a casual "just have more faith" comment. While there is a point where we are to have the "child-like faith" that Christ talks about, that does not remove the need for some of us to ask another question or two before we can get to that point.

The motives behind questions are the biggest thing to consider when responding. The questioner could just be trying to prove a point by proving you wrong, or could be trying their hardest to understand the bountiful grace of our Holy Father. To those that come at us with swords drawn, we must be prepared to stand tall and meet them head-on, in order to both defend and convince of the truth. With others we must do our best to answer questions, praying for wisdom along the way, while we both grow in our eternal hope together. We should not take the sword to the one who merely wants to understand, nor should we simply sit down and have a dialogue with those that seek to hinder, pervert, and destroy.




The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse.

-Benjamin Franklin

The Challenging and Unforgettable Moments: Diapers and Books and Lawn mowers

So up until a couple days ago you'd think I'd forgotten all about writing. Well, I had, and Kasey writing again on her blogger inspired me to get back on track also.

I am daunted and yet not at all scared with the thought of having another baby boy come into the world in just over a month. It will take some time to adjust and get used to having another crazy boy around, with more diapers, and more food to make, and more sleep to lose. But there's also even more laughs, more unforgettable moments, and more joy from watching them grow ever bigger and stronger. Just earlier tonight, Ben actually hugged me; not the normal okay-I'll-let-Daddy-hug-me stuff, but when I picked him up he actually put his arms around me and squeezed and then patted my back. Oh, those unforgettable moments. They more than make up for the lost sleep and thin patience, and point out how silly our own desires can be compared to being there for a child.

I graduated from DMACC. No more community college (for now), next step is that bachelor's degree. Kasey and I were driving tonight, and she said something like "You realize we graduated high school 5 years ago?" And then we both thought/said "We should have college degrees by now!" That is, according to normal cultural expectations. We just decided to move to Iowa, get married, have kids, mow the lawn (or try), and skip a couple years worth of school in there. Which, working in the student loan field that I do (and doing the job that I do), I can confidently say that we are much better off for it. That degree (and others) will come, but in their own season. This fall I start at AIB College of Business, for a degree in business administration. The financial aid award letter came a while back, and seems like I will have to pay for just books out of pocket, unless I want to use company tuition reimbursement. So that was a tremendous blessing, one that I must not forget or forgoe. Side note: I've been thinking about small bookstores and rental properties a lot recently. Might just be my "Oh yummy, kool-aid!" habit coming up, but we'll see what God has in store.

I've been doing a lot of reading these last few weeks, especially since I've had all the extra time from no schoolwork. Now there's lots of time to read, no more textbooks and online exams and essays for a while. I just finished The Church Impotent, by Leon Podles, about how the Church in the West has slowly embraced liberalism and feminism, and as a result alienated men and practically outlawed authentic, Biblical masculinity. Very interesting, I'll probably write on here about it soon. I also just finished some garage sale fine, a children's encyclopedia volume on the American Civil War. Right now I'm reading a book on breastfeeding (why do there have to always be pictures?!?) and an apologetics book by RC Sproul. I have a long list of books to get through before the summer ends, nay before the baby comes.

I did read And the Shofar Blew by Francine Rivers again, and I will probably read it again by the end of the summer. Hard-hitting book, I cry a lot. Very spell-binding story, amazing characters, and well-written. Makes you think about ministry and how it can affect family and friendships; what the Church truly is and is not; and how messed up portions of the American church are. One of the things that always hits me hardest is the family relationships part. The main character struggles with his relationship (or lack thereof) with his father, as well as relating to his mother and wife and son. I can't help but think about my own relationship with my family, my mom and dad and brothers and sister; can't help but see where I have done things wrong, have caused pain and harm. Reading this book again showed me how far I have yet to come, and what I still have to do to make things right, at least as much as I personally can. There are still responsibilities and consequences that others must own up to, and God Himself still has work yet to do amidst the whole situation, but that doesn't mean I can neglect or ignore what I have to do. Nothing like a fictional book to make me finally understand that, and to see where I still struggle and to where I need to be.

I must finish this up, as it is getting late, and I have more reading to do.



Parents may have a dozen children, but each one is the only one for them.
-Aramaic proverb

That Twitchy Walk: Sometimes Catchy Titles Don't Come Easy

This week I found out some pretty exciting news:

I got accepted into AIB College of Business.

If all goes according to plan, I will be starting an online program this September to earn a bachelor's in business administration. This will allow me to (ideally) have a pretty nice job for a long, long while, while our family grows and we make moves and changes in life. Eventually though, more schooling will be pursued.

This degree will only be a stepping stone, of that I am sure. I cherish the thought of teaching some day, although I'm not entirely sure of what I'll be teaching. Economics courses with an online school or at a community college would be nice; that would require a master's level degree though. I've always counted on earning a master's, but in what field has always been a puzzlement. To teach college level business/economic courses would likely require a degree in economics, but that might be too boring. An MBA sounds most likely, and them ain't cheap (but what college education isn't, hmm?) And MBA would also give me a more management-focused education, and that sounds more appealing than class after class of economic theory, as exciting as those are. So an MBA will likely be the next stepping stone, but who knows how far into the future that will be. Family first.

Another path to consider is that of religious education. This path is even hazier than the business degree path, but I know this would involve teaching somehow, something like a Sunday school or Christian education class. For now, business degrees will suffice, and ministry will come about in God's timing. The INSTE classes have been great and I have learned a lot, but it seems that a degree of a higher level than certificate would be necessary. I've found endless quality, inexpensive online colleges offering basic associate and bachelor degrees in religion, but time will tell of what is to come of that. Now is not the time to think about such things, not with a family to provide for, kids to raise, changes and moves to consider. I will remain open to whatever comes my way, but formal preparation on my part is a ways off.

On a somewhat lighter note, I love my current job. It's by far the hardest I've had, with lots of stress and pressure at times, but far greater rewards and fringe benefits. In an average day I can be cussed out, interrupted, and ridiculed, and the work can keep piling up and up, but the times where I actually make a significant difference in somebody's life more than makes up for it all. In addition, the people I work with and the management are all top-notch, and they make it so much easier to roll with the punches. The company has been really good to us so far, and unless I screw things up, I have no second thoughts about that continuing. I am looking forward to Monday, as on that day I will find out how busy the next couple months will be! My current job is another reason I'm pursuing the business degree, not only is the company tuition reimbursement policy quite nice, but with this company there really are opportunities for advancement that I want to take full advantage of.

And on the lightest note, I saw that today was the last day in February, and I wanted to be able to say that I wrote out two posts within the same month again.

I really should do this more often.




The education of a man is never completed until he dies.

-Robert E. Lee